The truth behind perfect
I was backstage ,calling out the choir which was up next , they had 2 mins left to get ready for show time , it was children's choir , young and adorable kids all scattered all over back stage , some still in the dressing rooms getting ready with their parents helping them with their outfit , adding some make-up touches .
after 40secs all of them gathered behind the red curtains pecking & popping their heads between the curtains , trying to get a glance at the ballerinas dancing and looking at the audience , each one looking for their parents , I began to count them , that’s when one was missing , I called the names out load to make sure that my counting's were correct , and it was, for the 1st time " I am terrible at counting , I lose count easily " , Sarah ashraf was missing , I ran down to look for her at the dressing room , hair & makeup , the ladies room , even the men's room and near the buffet , still no sign of her , that’s when I started to panic , my heart racing , sweating like crazy , 40 secs left and the curtains will open , that’s when I heard something , more like someone's voice , I followed it , it took me where the light and sounds are controlled , where the prop of old acts were stored , I became more close to the source .
" we have been practicing for weeks , you know the lyrics , the melody and the rhythm , I gave you vocal lessons so you can be able to hit all the high notes , you have to nail it , I want to see you glow out there , you can and you will , because your perfect , you hear me …. Perfect!!! "
I excused Sarah's mom that was giving her a lecture instead of a pep talk and took Sarah by the hand which was shivering, I paused for a second and asked her if she was ok, she nodded and looked at her mom one last time, and we run, she took her spot and I counted out 5seconds out loud, and it was show time! The audience welcomed them with applause ….The show was over, everyone headed to the exit door, with a big smile on their face, after watching their son/daughter perform, and you can feel how proud they were, except for one.
Sarah mother was sitting in the front row waiting for her daughter to change, so they can leave, Sarah was skipping her way down the stairs with a big smile glowing her cute face, and as she approached her mom, everything changed.
" what was that ? , you missed the notes , your voice was low , I hardly heard you , and you messed up at the end by forgetting the words , I saw you moving your mouth just to hide it , what happened ? Why cant you and just for once make me proud? "I just couldn’t stand watching, I cut her when she was talking, because it was too hard for me to watch Sarah defend less, I had to interfere even if it was none of my business, or even against manners, some times breaking the rules is a way of obeying them.
"Excuse me, but she did nothing wrong to deserve all of that guilt accusation, she is just 11 for crying out loud"
" she has to be perfect ! " she pauses for a second giving a strange look then counties " who are you to tell me what to do ….." , I cut her one more time , with adding a little strict tune , to get her attention " she is me after 10 years , I have been working in the showbiz with my father , because he wants me to be in it , and believes I am perfect when I am in it , being forced to do something I hate ,just to reach his expectations and earn his acceptance and respect , and no matter how hard I worked still it was enough , it was and will never be perfect ! , but guess what I am 21 years old working backstage , got no ambitions , no career , no nothing , the only thing I got is my dad unconvinced and still looking down on me for one reason , that I am not freaking perfect ! "
I take a deep breath and proceed " I wish I had stood to my father when I was her age , I would have screamed my lungs out telling him that I am not perfect and I will never be , cause it doesn’t exist , and would have done the one thing I loved , painting , I had to hide my painting to safe my self from a silly comment or from hearing him mocking it , telling me that it’s a waste of time , and that I am no Picasso , and maybe I will never be him , and didn’t want to be him , I wanted to be me , the incomplete me ! , have you asked your daughter what she wanted to do ? , what her hobbies were ? Ofcousre not, why would you do such a thing? , you were too busy seeking perfect , good luck with that , but when you reach it look and see what your daughter reached , and I promise you , she will reach the bottom of a living hell , the ultimate failure and misery , then blame it all on perfection "
I lowered down to reach the level of Sarah , and looked her right in to the eyes "do anything , but perfect " and walked away , without even giving her mother a chance to comment , in that moment , it didn’t really matter .
the whole fantasy of perfection is every parents dream , which is to find their children flawless , sans mistakes , which is impossible , a losing bet , all the generations and people that had lived before us didn’t even get close to it , and despite all that we still insist walking through the same endless path that leads to exactly nowhere .
I wished I was that strong 10 years ago , it would have changed my entire life , but I was taught that its never too late , surprisingly those were my father's words , the ones he craved in the back of my mind when I was just a kid , but now was the time to turn those words into verbs ………
7 years later
I opened my own gallery , and won the silver medal for the portrait of the year , I was able to bring honor to my father , that supported me and helped me and engorged me .
I was working on a new painting ,while I was putting newspaper on the floor so I don’t get paint stains on it , the headline printed on one of them caught my attention " Sarah Asharf , Egypt's new genius " , an exclusive interview with 18 year old Sarah talking about her invention that can bring the end to water pollution "
That’s when I knew that perfect has been defeated!
Defeated by a perfectly imperfect girl!
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